1. Transition Glasses
2. Gel Deodorant
3. Chapsticks in the shape of eggs. How am I supposed to comfortably fit that in my pocket? And when you drop it, it bounces. And rolls. I learned that the hard way when it dropped out of my pocket in the middle of a dead silent class, rolled all the way across the floor, and disappeared under a desk. At that point, I’m so embarrassed that I don’t even want to claim that stupid egg as my own. Plus, they don’t even work that good.
3. Bird baths. Why am I supposed to put something in my backyard to provide birds a place to bathe? That’s not my responsibility.
4. Bruno Mars. I recently found out that his real name was like Peter Jean or something horrible like that and it just made me hate him more.
5. Clocks. Or maybe the concept of time in general. “Meet me at sundown” sounds so much cooler, and way less forceful. Plus, you’d never have to worry about being late ever again because “sundown” is so vague, it could literally mean anything. You can guarantee that both people will not be there at the same time.
7. The Easter Bunny. So damn creepy.
8. Bermuda shorts.
10. Considering “bowling” a sport.
11. Shell necklaces for men.
12. Jeans. Denim sucks, and it’s so restricting. You can’t jump, or stretch weird, and if they get wet it feels like the world is ending.
13. “The Notebook.” Writing a letter to someone every single day for a year isn’t romantic, it’s just stupid. Dragging their love affair out for decades was so unnecessary and dramatic. Man up, and just go find the girl and tell her to make up her damn mind. And if its taken you that long to decide whether you want to be with him or not, chances are he’s not the one. I guess when you’re a Nicholas Sparks character it’s different.
14. Pastel pants. Or shirts. Or vests. Okay, maybe just pastel colors in general.