reasons to not date me

  • I don’t own any matching pajamas.
  • I don’t wash my hands as often as I should.
  • I can’t juggle.
  • I’m bad at math.
  • Sometimes, I run with scissors.
  • I don’t own a robe. Is that important to you? I hope not.
  • Sometimes, when no one’s looking, I blow my nose into my shirt.
  • I have a large collarbone.
  • My pants fall down a lot. Which is weird, because they’re really tight.
  • I’m stubborn.
  • I refuse to wear a belt.
  • I’m not Katy Perry.
  • I can only doggy paddle when I swim.
  • I don’t have a dog.
  • I look really really ugly in the morning.
  • Sometimes I talk in weird voices for no apparent reason.
  • I’m really messy.
  • I don’t think StepBrothers is that funny.
  • I have bad vision.
  • I can be unintentionally mean sometimes.
  • I can’t whistles.
  • I don’t think jokes about your mom are funny.
  • I don’t believe in horoscopes.
  • I don’t wash fruit before I eat it.
  • I never give back pencils I borrow.
  • I made this list in the first place.
  • My ankles always crack when I walk.
  • I like disco music.
  • I always leave wet towels on the floor after I take a shower.
  • When I get nervous or uncomfortable I make weird faces. It’s my default expression for times when I don’t know what to do or say. It’s like an awkward excuse for an icebreaker, but rather than making anyone feel more comfortable it probably just makes no one want to talk to me. Totally understandable.
  • I can’t focus that well.
  • At this very moment, there are about three banana peels sitting on my passenger seat that I never got around to throwing away. I mean, I can throw them out, but I probably won’t for at least another three days.
  • I procrastinate.
  • I can’t talk in a British accent, or any accent. I also can’t sing.
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