Reasons why you should date me

  • I put the perfect amount of butter on everything.
  • My house isn’t haunted. I’m about 85% sure about this.
  • I don’t have leprosy.
  • I won’t make you touch my feet or pretend to like them.
  • The word, “bae”, isn’t used in my vocabulary.
  • I know the difference between their, they’re, and there.
  • Sometimes, I’m funny.
  • I have a Star Wars encyclopedia. Depending on your perspective, this could either be a major pro or con for you.
  • I have wicked eyeliner.
  • I give an awesome motivational speech.
  • I floss.
  • Your dog will like me.
  • I can sew a button onto pants. Not very well, but I can still do it.
  • I don’t have any of those weird faces on any of the trees in my yard. I also don’t have any ceramic geese on my porch.
  • I don’t own any overalls. Or a rain slicker. I also avoid saying the word, “rain slicker,” out loud.
  • I’m great at thumb wars.
  • I’ve never been on “America’s Most Wanted.” Except like once, but that’s beside the point.
  • I have an entire cupboard of alphabetically organized tea.
  • I won’t complain if you want to watch the History Channel. I like that channel too.
  • I dressed up as Judge Judy for Halloween in fourth grade.
  • I had a kit called, “How to Teach your fish Soccer.” And no, it doesn’t work in case you’re wondering.
  • I’m not dorky.
  • That was a lie.
  • I don’t think baby monkeys are cute.
  • I have a book called, “How to Speak Chewbaccan.” It’s a Star Wars thing.
  • I tried to make my own lotion in sixth grade. I had a lot of spare time clearly.
  • I can help you with any word search puzzles.
  • I’ll lie and tell you your baby pictures are cute so you don’t feel about yourself.
  • If you wear the same shirt two days in a row by accident, I won’t point it out.
  • I’ll share my funny puns with you.
  •  I won’t stalk you on social media, or your exes.
  • I won’t let you go bankrupt in Monopoly.
  • I have killer survival skills.
  • I’ll laugh at your jokes that aren’t that funny in a group setting to spare you the humiliation.
  • I’ll care about your oral hygiene.
  • I’m not afraid of bees.
  • I won’t let you give up when you’re losing at cards.
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